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Why is love so confusing, especially when your trying to find it. Why is it that when you have a girlfriend, a lot of girls be coming at you. But the minute you become single there is nobody, and it seems like nobody like you no more. In my life whenever I find a girl that I truly like, another come and causes me to re-evaluate my liking of the first girl. Once I decided to done my relationship with a girl and to pursue a relationship with another girl that really liked me. But when I decided to focus on the next girl, she started to stop liking me. I think girls like it when boys are married, and in som wierd way it makes them more attractive. I know for me especially girls are more attractive to me when they are in a relationship, and when they are single they sometimes are less attractive. I think it is because you know tat you have limitations when somebody is married. It is like when your parents tell you not to touch the fire because it will burn you, and they try to keep you away, then you are amazed by the fire and want to touch it. But it they told you to touch it, and nothing was stopping you, you wouldn't want to touch it as bad. I think that girlfriends looking more attractive to me is bad, and makes me look like a homewrecker, but I never took a girl from somebody. It is a bad quality.. but I keep it 100 with my blog.

Friends vs. Boo

Honestly.. I don't know who I would choose if it came down to a friend vs a boo. I think I have to look outside of the titles of boo and friend, and examine them both as persons. I have to see who is a better person in general, and who has more faults than the other. I have to examine who is more truthful and who has my best interest at heart. I never understood why girls sometimes avoid the advice that friends from over 10 years give them, and listen to a boy who they knew for less than a month. It is wierd when a friend change up on you when they get a little love in your life, and when their heart get broken, they come back running to you for help. Some people say that they would trust a boo over a friend due to jealousy and envy from that friend. But if they are envious and jealous towards you, they are not truly your friend. If a bestfriend that I knew told me that he saw my girlfriend of a month, kissing another boy, I would leave that girl in a heartbeat, with no explanation. The reason is because friends come before a girlfriend, especially when it is so early in the relationship. If it was later on in the relationship, like five months down the line, I would probably have a hard time choosin sides... What would you do?

Go hard

Today TFC (Teens For Christ) performed for the inauguration of the Rhode Island church. We rapped and showed people what we can do. After performing, I realized that I have no reason not to go hard for Christ. He is my refuge, my strength, and my strong tower. He has been there when everyone else has forsaken me. Nobody else on this earth can do or has done anything close to what he has done for me. I have caught myself slacking, and took a reality check, and realized that I sometimes make people more important to me than my relationship with God. I sometimes compromise boundaries in being a Christian and being a person out there in the world. I have realized that I have been half stepping, and have let people influenced me to the point, where I know I am changing. I am no longer ashamed of my relationship with God. He means more to me than life itself. Life is too short for me to be taking my relationship with God for granted. Here I am...

Bad boyz

Today the squad and I pressed some boy who was going around breaking into lockers and what not. He was on the verge of crying when we pressed him, and started yelling at him. He asked us to please not hurt him, and that he didn't do anything wrong, "he just looked in the locker". After seeing this I realized that too many boys just want to be down knowing that they don't really want be down. They just want to be seen as cool or popping, and not as a punk who gets no respect. They are scared of rejection, and they are scared to be different. They are scared of the scrutiny or emotional distress that they might endure from their peers. I know I am not perfect but I don't like to FOLLOW, but instead I like to set trends. There are many things that my friends do that I don't do, and I really don't care if they judge me. If they didn't accept me, they wouldn't be my friend in the first place. I don't compromise my morals to satisfy the needs of others. Whoa! that sounds like a quote.lol and remember that I came up with it first. My religion and my family morals play a major role in setting me apart from others. True friends will never reject you but accept you or adjust to your preferences. Why is acceptance needed to feel good in life? Why are people fear rejection from people that are suppose to be their friends? What is so wrong with being different? Smh.. idk

Mother

Lately my mother been on me way too much for no reason. She has been trying to put me on punishment for things that I haven't even done. First of all she got mad at me for standing outside during church (btw it was over) and my brother craig was with me, but she only try come at my head. That plan didn't work becuase Craig was there, so I was off the hook. But then he lost his medicine for his eyes so she took away my laptop. I was very confused, because last time I check, I am not responsible for Craig's medicine. I let her rock because it makes no sense arguing with her. Then she asked me if I got my report card, and I told her they didn't give it out, so she start yelling at me and calling me a liar... smh, and then when I asked her why she treatin me like this, she says "If you nuh like it, you know what you can do". She basically threatened me to move out, for no apparent reason. I don't know what is going on, we don't even talk anymore really, if I don't say goodmorning she won't say it, and if I don't say bye she wont say it. The only things she do is cook, and iron clothes, but we have no communication. Not to put her on blast, but this is crazy. I don't look foward to coming home anymore, because being in this house just brings down my mood. I don't feel the love.. what should I do?

Love life

I can honestly say I don't know where my love life is headed. Lately, everytime I get close to a girl, they change up on me. First they pull me in, then when they realize that I am in, they back out. On other occassions, I can have alot of options, but there is something wrong with all of them. Either they still have feelings for an ex, they scared of dating me, they all come at the smae time, or etc. And when I decide that I narrowed it down to the right one, they bail out on meh. I don't know why my love life is affecting me so much, I use to be just a careless dude. I think that when I try to make things happen, love becomes complicated, but when I didn't care, love took place. I can't even control the effect that my love life has over me, I don't understand why it has become a major piece of my life. I just like to be in control of things nowadays, so if I just let it happen, it won't feel right. I am in a hole and I don't know how to get out. Love... smh

Family part 2

I think there is too much pressure on me from my family to do good in school. I understand that I am going to be the first one to graduate, and I am going to help them have a better life, but I think sometimes they don't let me be a kid. They knock me hard when I drop a little bit in school, but when I do good all I get is a good job. They always threatening me to do good in school, and on my back, which is not fair because they made some mistakes, and I want to learn from my own mistakes. They don't trust that I am mature enough to keep myself in check. Sometimes I don't even get good grades because I want to succeed, it is just to keep them off my back. My mom sometimes brag about me infront of her friends, but behind close doors I am always a target of her anger. I know it sounds like I'm dogging her, but it is just how I feel, and I always keep it real on this blog. She sometimes take out her anger on me, because I am the only one in the house that is not willing to let her have her moment, and instead get mad back. Im trying to change, but I don't think my family situation is fair. I am going to need some independence, because if I don't get it now, when I go college I'm going to start slacking.

1000!

I finally reached 1000! yay!!!!! I want to say thank you for all those people who read my blog, those you commented, and those who just went on it just so they can refresh the page 86 times (innie) lol. I want to shout out a couple of people like Tati, Camilla, Anna, Leticia, Coreece and my son Gio. Thank you guys for reading the blogs that you liked and even reading the ones that you didn't like. 1000 views in three months is crazy, and it wouldn't be possible without you guys. It is not only these guys taht kept my blog poppin, it was other people but the names is just not coming to my name right now. Love you guys. WE R SO MAJOR!

Girls

Nowadays girls are so confusing. Just when I think I am starting to understand them better, they do something to make me take a couple of steps backwards. They sometimes send mix messages to us guys, and expect us to interpret them. Girls are always in control of things, whether they mean to are not. They play games with boys heads, and expect them not to show no sense of anger, or awkwardness. Some don't even know if they want a boyfriend but yet they say and do certain things with you that makes you feel otherwise. They tell you that they are feeling you and only you but when you look at their Aim status, it is about a love insider with a boy, but you know that it is not about you. I know boys aren't perfect but at least with boys you kind of expect them to act like dogs and play games, but with girls you don't expect it.  The other day I asked my girl bestfriend why do girls play hard to get, and her answer was that if they didn't do that they would come off looking easy, and their hearts would be easily broken because they boy didn't work for anything. I agree with this but what about the boys who don't want to hurt the girl? They don't like the waiting period because they misinterpret and feel as if the girl is not feeling them. SMH girls...

Motherz Day

Today is Mothers day, and it was the best day of the year so far. I rapped for my mom in church, and it left me feeling very hype. After I finishing rapping, I realized how much my mom really does for me. She holds the family down, when everybody is doing their own thing. She put everybody problems on her back, and stressed herself about things that didn't necessarily concern her. I sometimes take my mom for granted by talking back, wishing I was in a different family, and just never truly appreciating her for her worth. She pushes for me to do school, sometimes I think it is unfair, because she didn't work as hard as she is pushing me to work, but I know is just so that I can have a better life. I sometimes don't tell her everything on my heart because at times she is quick to judge me, and make me feel like I am the worse child, and at the point in time, that is not the best treatment for my problems. I hate to see her cry when her burdens get to heavy, because I feel like I can't help her and that I am useless. I love you Mom.. 

Malice

Today I was walking with my friends, and another school came up to us and ask if we was freedom, and they wanted to fight us. I was kinda tense because I looked at the small amount of people that was with me (5), compared to the amount of people that Urban Assembly had (20+). They were ready to fight but then realized that we wasn't the group that they had a prior fight with. Today I realized that we have alot of malice and grudges in our heart. I sometimes avoid arguments by just stop talking to people., which is just as bad. Holding grudges and malice against people takes way more energy than an argument. The only true time we release grudges is when somebody dies. I hate when that happens in my family. My mother would cry for three days straight for somebody who she didn't talk to because of a petty argument. Life is too short to hold grudges, because everybody is dying nowadays. We hold grudges too long, to the point  where we don't even remember the reason we are mad any more. Why do we decide to hold people up for simple mistakes, when we ourselves make mistakes.  With time come experience.. and with experience comes a new me.. 

Standstill

I can honestly say that I am at a point in my life, where I am at a standstill. I no longer have control of what is going on, or what is to come. I don't know where my life is going, and nothing makes sense to me at this point. Everytime I think my life is going in one direction, it splits and goes in a totally different direction. The pressure of school, trying to please my parents, trying to hold my religious and sentimental life together, is starting to get to me a little bit. Last year during this time, I was a care-free kid who didnt care what was going on, because I alway had somebody who would kinda sorta clean up my mistakes. There must be a way that I can gain control of my life, because I can't let the year end like this. I think that the pressure of college is causing me to become scared. I am scared of being fully independent, and having to clean up my own mistakes when I make them. Things are getting outta hand, I am slacking, and I don't know how to get back on the right course..

Commitment

In a couple of my relationships I feel as if I didnt really like my girlfriend the way they liked me, but they liked me first, so I went out with them. I sometimes filled their ear with not necessarily what I felt, but what I know would make them happy, or make them feel better about our relationship, or just themselves. In other relationships Im usually the one who was pushing for us to go out mad hard. I would try break down that wall that kept her from not saying yes, then we would start going out for a little bit, and I would end it quick. I look at that and be like what was the sense of pushing for her to say yes, if I was just going to end it in less than two months. I am not scared of the word commitment, but I realized that when it comes to actually doing it, it is hard. I get very bored in relationships, and it is not necessarily that there is another girl out there that I am interested in, it is just that I don't understand the point of staying in a relationship. Staying with a girl for over four months seems so real to me, when I say it to myself. But when it comes to me making it past the first set of months, I feel uncomfortable. Then after a month of being single, I realize how much I love the company of a girl, and the warmth of having girlfriend. When I look at my self I wonder what am I going to do when I get married? Only time will tell..

Questions?

This blog is not neccessarily about my life, but what goes on in my head. Feel free to answer any one:

1) Why do girls who sleep around are seen as hoes but boys who sleep around are glorified?

2) Why is that girls think its cute to play hard to get?

3) Why are boys seen as dogs?

4) Why is mostly everything in this world made for right-handers, but there are left handers?

5) Do any teenager know the true definition of love?

6) Why do girls like bad boys?

7) Why do people associate rain with love?

8) Why is it so hard to find love?

9) Why is it that the ugliest girls are the most cockiest?

10) Why do girls think they are more mature than boys?

11) Why older girls never feen for lil boys, but older guys always feen for lil girls?

12) Why do boys think sagging their pants mad low is sexy?

13) Why do girls who wear their skirts mad short think its sexier?

Christian

It is hard enough being a Christian. It is even harder when you are a Christian Teenager. But the real struggle really comes when you a christian teenager boy. It is hard being around a group of boys who are influenced by a world of sex, drugs, and violence. It is very hard telling a girl that you don't want to have sex with her because you are waiting till marriage. The first thought that comes to their mind is that I'm gay, because a typical guy doesn't turn down a a good looking girl. It is very hard to not submit to temptations that the world gives to me. Ill admit that I am not a perfect christian, and I am no where close, but I am honestly trying. I don't want this to be seen as a disadvantage, but a advantage, because I love being different and weird. I choose my relationship with God over any girl or boy (no offense). This is not one of my regular blogs, but like I said.. I LOVE BEING DIFFERENT.