Girls

Nowadays girls are so confusing. Just when I think I am starting to understand them better, they do something to make me take a couple of steps backwards. They sometimes send mix messages to us guys, and expect us to interpret them. Girls are always in control of things, whether they mean to are not. They play games with boys heads, and expect them not to show no sense of anger, or awkwardness. Some don't even know if they want a boyfriend but yet they say and do certain things with you that makes you feel otherwise. They tell you that they are feeling you and only you but when you look at their Aim status, it is about a love insider with a boy, but you know that it is not about you. I know boys aren't perfect but at least with boys you kind of expect them to act like dogs and play games, but with girls you don't expect it.  The other day I asked my girl bestfriend why do girls play hard to get, and her answer was that if they didn't do that they would come off looking easy, and their hearts would be easily broken because they boy didn't work for anything. I agree with this but what about the boys who don't want to hurt the girl? They don't like the waiting period because they misinterpret and feel as if the girl is not feeling them. SMH girls...

Motherz Day

Today is Mothers day, and it was the best day of the year so far. I rapped for my mom in church, and it left me feeling very hype. After I finishing rapping, I realized how much my mom really does for me. She holds the family down, when everybody is doing their own thing. She put everybody problems on her back, and stressed herself about things that didn't necessarily concern her. I sometimes take my mom for granted by talking back, wishing I was in a different family, and just never truly appreciating her for her worth. She pushes for me to do school, sometimes I think it is unfair, because she didn't work as hard as she is pushing me to work, but I know is just so that I can have a better life. I sometimes don't tell her everything on my heart because at times she is quick to judge me, and make me feel like I am the worse child, and at the point in time, that is not the best treatment for my problems. I hate to see her cry when her burdens get to heavy, because I feel like I can't help her and that I am useless. I love you Mom.. 

Malice

Today I was walking with my friends, and another school came up to us and ask if we was freedom, and they wanted to fight us. I was kinda tense because I looked at the small amount of people that was with me (5), compared to the amount of people that Urban Assembly had (20+). They were ready to fight but then realized that we wasn't the group that they had a prior fight with. Today I realized that we have alot of malice and grudges in our heart. I sometimes avoid arguments by just stop talking to people., which is just as bad. Holding grudges and malice against people takes way more energy than an argument. The only true time we release grudges is when somebody dies. I hate when that happens in my family. My mother would cry for three days straight for somebody who she didn't talk to because of a petty argument. Life is too short to hold grudges, because everybody is dying nowadays. We hold grudges too long, to the point  where we don't even remember the reason we are mad any more. Why do we decide to hold people up for simple mistakes, when we ourselves make mistakes.  With time come experience.. and with experience comes a new me.. 

Standstill

I can honestly say that I am at a point in my life, where I am at a standstill. I no longer have control of what is going on, or what is to come. I don't know where my life is going, and nothing makes sense to me at this point. Everytime I think my life is going in one direction, it splits and goes in a totally different direction. The pressure of school, trying to please my parents, trying to hold my religious and sentimental life together, is starting to get to me a little bit. Last year during this time, I was a care-free kid who didnt care what was going on, because I alway had somebody who would kinda sorta clean up my mistakes. There must be a way that I can gain control of my life, because I can't let the year end like this. I think that the pressure of college is causing me to become scared. I am scared of being fully independent, and having to clean up my own mistakes when I make them. Things are getting outta hand, I am slacking, and I don't know how to get back on the right course..

Commitment

In a couple of my relationships I feel as if I didnt really like my girlfriend the way they liked me, but they liked me first, so I went out with them. I sometimes filled their ear with not necessarily what I felt, but what I know would make them happy, or make them feel better about our relationship, or just themselves. In other relationships Im usually the one who was pushing for us to go out mad hard. I would try break down that wall that kept her from not saying yes, then we would start going out for a little bit, and I would end it quick. I look at that and be like what was the sense of pushing for her to say yes, if I was just going to end it in less than two months. I am not scared of the word commitment, but I realized that when it comes to actually doing it, it is hard. I get very bored in relationships, and it is not necessarily that there is another girl out there that I am interested in, it is just that I don't understand the point of staying in a relationship. Staying with a girl for over four months seems so real to me, when I say it to myself. But when it comes to me making it past the first set of months, I feel uncomfortable. Then after a month of being single, I realize how much I love the company of a girl, and the warmth of having girlfriend. When I look at my self I wonder what am I going to do when I get married? Only time will tell..

Questions?

This blog is not neccessarily about my life, but what goes on in my head. Feel free to answer any one:

1) Why do girls who sleep around are seen as hoes but boys who sleep around are glorified?

2) Why is that girls think its cute to play hard to get?

3) Why are boys seen as dogs?

4) Why is mostly everything in this world made for right-handers, but there are left handers?

5) Do any teenager know the true definition of love?

6) Why do girls like bad boys?

7) Why do people associate rain with love?

8) Why is it so hard to find love?

9) Why is it that the ugliest girls are the most cockiest?

10) Why do girls think they are more mature than boys?

11) Why older girls never feen for lil boys, but older guys always feen for lil girls?

12) Why do boys think sagging their pants mad low is sexy?

13) Why do girls who wear their skirts mad short think its sexier?

Christian

It is hard enough being a Christian. It is even harder when you are a Christian Teenager. But the real struggle really comes when you a christian teenager boy. It is hard being around a group of boys who are influenced by a world of sex, drugs, and violence. It is very hard telling a girl that you don't want to have sex with her because you are waiting till marriage. The first thought that comes to their mind is that I'm gay, because a typical guy doesn't turn down a a good looking girl. It is very hard to not submit to temptations that the world gives to me. Ill admit that I am not a perfect christian, and I am no where close, but I am honestly trying. I don't want this to be seen as a disadvantage, but a advantage, because I love being different and weird. I choose my relationship with God over any girl or boy (no offense). This is not one of my regular blogs, but like I said.. I LOVE BEING DIFFERENT.